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    sa 12-30-06- 8:10p- My thoughts have been obscured by reality. I guess that's why I hate going down to the bars lately. Everyone there is just trying to prove that they can have a good time without letting on that their lives are out of control. I can't hide shit like that. I can lie better than most, but I can't pretend that I have my shit together. I can't run into people I haven't seen in three years and convince them that I'm happy with my life. Last night I tried my best to ignore questions of happiness and prosperity. I tried to maintain an "I'm having a good time" outlook, but it didn't last. I tried to entertain her while she was on a smoke break. I'm not an interesting person, however, because I'm not seeking a good time. She thinks there's nothing more to life than having a good time.

    To Spite Mike was having their cd release party last night at the watertown. I didn't have any money, nor did I really care to see them, but I was eventually grateful that Spencer dragged me out of the house. They didn't go on until 12:15a, but we still hung around for the entire show. We did most of our drinking before we left, so our tab was rather affordable once we finally decided to leave.

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    su 12-24-06- 10:38a- Aaaahh, it's almost over. I can almost get some sleep. But, shit- there's so much I should be doing right now. The house is just about to empty out and I'll be able to install the surprize mantlepiece I finished this morning. That's all I'm really doing this Christmas. All anyone will get from me.

     Update: 4:25p: I've been babysitting Achilles for Tonia the past few whiles. She came home from San Pancho and, less than twelve hours later, was back at the airport waiting to board for Alaska. She's with her mom visiting her brother's family in Ketchikan for Christmas. It's been horrible being followed around by a constant reminder of her all day long. I'm hucking fungry. Pot roast is on/in the stove/oven and is starting to smell like something. Anyway, the mantlepiece was well received. It looks nice. My eyes hurt. I'm going cry.

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    sa 12-16-06- 2:52a- I'll start, with a direct quote from Bill: "60% of the time he's fill of shit, but the other forty he's just a bit spacey." This after we discussed Costa's backpack still being at the house after the kids had headed off for the week to some friends' houses. Costa had spent the entire day and a half convincing everyone- his friends, teachers, both sets of parents, and I- that someone took his backpack before school, when, all this time, he forgot to take it out of the van when I dropped him off for school yesterday. The night before that, during the storm, Bill had to stay in Seattle, leaving Marco and Costa with more freedom than they should ever encounter. Marco begged me to play video games with him from the moment I got home, but I told him he had to do his math homework before I let him kill me too bad. Costa, in the meantime, was interested in having his own website to display his favorite cartoon characters. I heard Marco telling his brother that it's kind of like having a big brother. "No," responded Costa, "big brothers beat up on you." Soon, The boys were talking about how great it would be if I really was their brother. By the time Marco and I were finished with his sixth grade division problems, however, it was too late for any of us to play Halo. I granted the request to play a few bedtime songs upstairs while the boys settled down. After the final goodnight, as I was heading downstairs, I was reminded of a time when I wanted to volunteer as a Big Brother. Maybe I should look into that this coming year.

     Tonight, after some convincing, I went over to Bill's parents house for a holiday dinner celebration. The kids were wound up to see their cousins with funny names and Bill's family was anxious to hear some holiday music on guitar. Bill and I had brought the acoustics and Mark and Tina had a keyboard in the car that Echo and Ionie would play. We had a wonderful time full of prawns, poker, pizza and pie. I finally made it down to Finn's to have my film developed. Nearly a hundred dollars and not much to show for it.
     I've been taking achilles out ever couple of days while she's on vacation. He gets lonely laying around an empty house all day. Sometimes I do too.

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    mo 12-04-06- 4:04p- Tonia just called me from a little village south of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. She asked me if I would mind watching Achilles, her Golden Retriever, for the next couple weeks. She was supposed to be returning on Wednesday, but she's having too much fun. Angela will be coming home for Christmas on the 19th, so Tonia is trading her return ticket for one on the same day. The only difference is, instead of coming home for Christmas, Tonia will be heading immediately up to Alaska with her mom. She'll only be afforded enough time in Anacortes to repack, then jump back on a plane to spend the Holiday with her brother's family. She's insane.

     She asked me what I've been up to this past week. I drew a blank. I slowly worked my way backward. "I won the foosball tournament last night. Been designing a mantle for the fireplace- an X-mas surprize for Grace. Been taking lots of pictures. The snow's just starting to melt. We got our tree up. It's a beautiful Noble Fir already dwarfed be the pile of gifts it's sitting atop."

     Her and Ang were having trouble transfering her ticket info. I had to give her the membership numbers all over again. It's good to feel needed, even when you're being used.

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    fr 12-01-06- 3:18a- Behold, the most fantastical pancake you have ever witnessed. I am just sitting down to a three-sided masterpeice that holds a particularly large amount of amazement on me. I have just experienced the most amusement that the first of December could possibly endow upon a fellow such as me. For instance: Last year at this time, I was asleep.

    th 12-01-05- 6:59p- rayna tried to call me at 5:16 & 5:36 tonight. i'm pissed i missed her. i had put my phone on the charger and was diagnosing the wireless router. i am so badly hoping that she calls again. after all the tinkering, though, it turns out that the router is defective. we tried pinging it and it just wasn't there- the power light blinking incessantly. the tech guy thought a power surge may have caused it. now bill has to go back to mt. burlington and exchange it for a working model. what a pain in the ass. i've only had the thing working once. anyway, yesterday i had a great day off. rayna called me at nine thirty in the morning and we talked until noon. i finally got up and started narrowing down the list of songs to put on rayna's next mix cd. dammit, rayna just tried to call again and somehow i missed it. at two o'clock i finally started heading over to the moffitts to run through some songs. tim had gone in to work for jen, who had sick kids, and wouldn't get off until 5:30ish. mike had called and said that he had just started the kids with homeschool at one and would be late. he finally showed up at three fifteen while noah, james and i were running through heartworms. once he was all set up we did some vocal harmony work and ran through hands move fast parts one & two, day short of a decade, and heartworms again. 70R is coming along nicely. i really enjoy that song. at five thirty-five, mike left for work and noah followed him shortly after. james and i went down to the brown to check out the scene, but it was a winter beer promo night, and as a result, too busy for our liking. anyway, the only special they had going was all you can eat gumbo. we decided to go over to adrift and were very happy with our choice. i had the lamb-lubbers burger and an old rasputen stout, while james had the crab cake dinner and a rolling rock. james went home to clean out the rest of his closet and throw old shit away and i went back to the brown to see rayna. she had just gotten there right before me and gave me that look that i love so much when she first saw me. it was even busier than it had been forty minutes before, so i was glad to be able to grab a prime stool at the bar. i had a full sail session to start with, then moved on to full sail's wassail winter beer. i chatted with rayna every opportunity i got, but the crowd didn't afford enough for my liking. i told her that i was going home for a few hours and would be back. i worked on putting some music together for her mix cd again and decided to give her my copy of damien rice "o." i arrived back at the brown at nine o'clock and ordered a dick's double diamond and gave rayna the cd after she took my money. i hung around at the bar only drinking three more beers and lots of waters while talking to and watching rayna. after we closed the bar at eleven thirty, we headed over to the watertown for a game of video bowling. rayna and i won, then immediately left for the parking lot. we embraced and kissed and kissed and kissed. it was freezing cold and eventually she left me for a long drive back to marysville. i got home at one thirty and went straight to bed with a big smile on my face. this morning i woke up at nine and hopped in the shower then called lynn at seeds to ask what time i worked. high noon. i crawled back in bed and waited for nine thirty to come. rayna called right on time and we talked about everything and nothing, taking breaks to get dressed and discipline children occasionally. we finally said goodbye right at noon when i was standing outside the back deck door trying to maintain reception. i had three tables as soon as i walked in and it ended up being a busy day. i can't remember now...

      fr 12-02-05- 5:57p- let's see. last weekend. hmmm. saturday.... blank. sunday... church and bob's burger's and brew with mike rothmeyer, amber and tim. humaine society. change wheels. brown to see rayna. practice. brown. monday morning rayna called to say that her kids were sick and she's not going to be able to make it to the starbucks thing. i drove to work while talking with her and hung up feeling great a while later. she called back before my shift was over and told me between sobs that her mom was really sick. they think it's breast cancer. i tried to console her and gave her everything i could, but i had to get back to work. she called me back as i was arriving at the moffitts to meet up and get packed in for the starbucks convention. her sister called, so i let her go and she called back just as we were all piling into tims car. that wasn't the best of conversations with noah loudly saying things about my mom in the background. i appologized as she let me go & we were off for an adventure we wouldn't forget for a few weeks. we arrived at the sixth avenue inn just after 5:30p, checked in and got changed to meet dave, lori and michel in the hotel bar. we tried to get drinks, but the service was so poor that we ended up just leaving to ride in the limos. the limo drivers dropped us off at the horton building instead of the norton building, so we hoofed it, first a block in the wrong direction, then two blocks back to our original destination. the norton building was fabulous, and the reception was at the top on the seventeenth floor. everyone enjoyed the four starbucks cream drinks from the four seperate bars and the buffet table. at one point, tim came back with two plates full of egg rolls. i had one of the bartenders pour me two knob creeks into a coffee glass for mike and i. it was a blast, but by eight o'clock we fould ourselves surprized that it was already over. we gathered up, found the limos, and headed fo fadõs to eat a fabulous irish dinner. i had the something steak boxty which was probably the most fantastic thing at the table besides noah's brownie with guiness ice cream. i went and got another beer & paid for the whole meal, but everyone insisted on giving me money. we went to the palace kitchen after that for drinks, drinks, more drinks and to play 'i never.' josh was trashed and picked up the bill. bill was just coming into his own, and by the end of the night, thought he had alcohol poisoning. i felt pretty good and went with tim, amber, mike and michel to check out the higher life in the limos. we went to a couple of really fancy places and drank even fancier drinks. once we got back to the hotel, we wrestled around a bit and i finally went down to the second floor where i had my own room. i slept fantastically and woke up at ten thirty and hopped in the shower. i had no idea whether noah and james were up yet and was a little curious about check out time. at eleven o'clock i called room 334 and noah answered while james was in the shower. i went up to their room, collected my stuff and went down to the restaurant to pick up tim's keys to load my stuff into his car. i checked out of my room and we met up with tim in the restaurant for coffee and to decide that we were going to eat at the thirteen coins. noah and i had never been there before, but we enjoyed it very much. next we went to the guitar center, then to easy street records and on to tim's favorite accordian store. we were finally on the road back to anacortes at three and got together again for band practice. it was a lovely day.

     Well, that was a bit of what last year held and what I am expecting of tomorrow. Back in real time, Spencer called me up again tonight and invited me downtown for a couple pitchers. He's always in good spirits, but still makes you cater to his slow nature. When he dropped me off I suddenly felt my high. I was trying to exit in a timely fashion because I was tired and have to work in the morning, but ended up going on and on about nothing. I convinced him that Anacortes is a fantastic place to be, first with the Kiwis at the bar and then, again, as I was telling him about the six hundred-twenty Kiwis business in this town. That doesn't make any sense. Anyway, to press on... I'm going to pass out here shortly and, therefore, don't have time to edit this article.

     But, like any pancake, one side is always more inexplicably delicious than the other. Which means, Raymi, that the moral of the story is: there's always room for improvement.

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    th 11-30-06- 1:11a- I promised myself long ago that I wouldn't resort to posting videos, but this one is just too perfect.

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    tu 11-28-06- 4:40p- I hate the holidays. I wish I was a jehovah's witness or something. Maybe a sect that didn't believe in either soliciting or holidays. That would be perfect. I just got back from Portland on Sunday. It was hell. I love the city of my birth, but my family is a total clusterfuck. Honestly, I had more fun the few days before Thanksgiving with my roomate's kids than the whole rest of the vacation. Marco and I went on a two hour bike ride, Costa and I played xbox, and I taught Tanissa how to fix and fuck with MySpace. The night before Thanksgiving was busy as always downtown. I didn't want to be down there at all. I was watching Loose Change with Bill and Grace when Rashelle called from the Brown, trying to convince me to come down there. I was comfortably stoned and not planning to go out, but knew there would be a lot of people down there I haven't seen since this time last year. She came up to get me, came in and talked with Grace a bit while I got ready. The first person I ran into I hadn't seen in over ten years. He was fucked up and kept asking me to guess what he was on. He was thrown out shortly after he annoyed everyone in the bar. Of course, he just headed down to the Watertown, where his antics would be encouraged. Tonia was working, but I didn't get a chance to talk with her until I was on my way out. She's starting to hide behind her party persona more these days. I can't get a single tidbit of honesty out of her. I zipped up my three coats and braved the walk home trying not to think about her.
    On Sunday she called me up and invited me out to the house she was taking care of. It was snowing and she didn't want to come pick me up, but offered to hang out if I could find a way out there. I told her I had better things to do, but if I could find a ride I would call her. I put no more thought into it after I hung up, and continued whatever I was working knowing she was going to call back. It wasn't an hour later when she offered to come get me. We stopped by the grocery store for some snacks: Gummy candy, hot wings, chips and dip and beer. Then we headed out to the house to watch Smallville and gorge ourselves. At one o'clock I offered to sleep on the couch, rather than make her drive me home and she accepted. She knew my motive, but still brought out blankets for me. I watched the beginning of Empire of the Sun until the power went out. I lit a candle and got everything set up for blackout mode, then laid back down on the couch. After Tonia said goodnight, she told me I could come in and sleep with her if I got too cold. I ran through the possible outcomes in my head, stalled for time, folded up the blankets and knocked on her door. I told her, "I don't want to wake you up later when I actually start freezing, so I thought I'd crawl in with you now. Besides, I would hate for the power to come back on and miss an opportunity like this."
    The next day was full of surprizes. Packed full of adventure and excitement. Tonia was leaving that night for Mexico, to visit her friend Angela who had moved just south of Puerto Vallarta to open a bar. We had a huge lunch at El Jinete and ran a ton of errands. Angela couldn't get anything she needed down there, so Tonia had a list a mile long full of things to bring. It started snowing again, and Tonia got nervous about the drive to the airport. I double checked her itinerary and helped her print out her e-ticket before she said goodbye. It was a hard goodbye. She's going to have a blast though. She needs this vacation.

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    su 11-19-06- 3:23a- The next time I have some money I'm marching down to Finn's Photo and getting these seven rolls of film developed. I can't wait around anymore to print them myself. I won't see these pictures until next summer if I put it off again. Thursday after work, Dave, Brent, Tank and I all went down to the Brown for refreshing adult beverages. It was a fun evening of story telling and drunkeness. I had no idea Tank's real name was Bill. I had no idea how low Brent's tolerance was. But most importantly, Tank had no idea Dave used to be an L.A. cop.
Dave: You're kidding! You didn't know that?
Tank: Are you being serious? I don't believe you.
Dave: Before I moved up here and bought this bar, I was a cop for eight- almost eight full years. Six in L.A. then the better part of three in Anaheim. Los Angeles wasn't half as bad as Anaheim-
Tank: So tell us the worst thing you ever did-
Dave: It was- Well, wait... What?
Tank: Tell us the story of your best bar fight.
Dave: Who's to say I was ever in a bar fight?
Tank: See, you were never an L.A. cop.
Dave: Let's see. Bar fight, Bar fight. Okay, there was this stripclub in Anaheim called the Glo-Room that was a famous Hell's Angels and Mongols hangout. They were always fighting for ownership of the bar. When I first transfered down there, I was assigned to that area. We couldn't say 'beat' because this was Anaheim. According to them, gangs don't exist in their city. We couldn't even say the word 'gang' on the force. Our police reports never contained the term. The city officials thought it would cause some kind of mass hysteria if the tourists new what was going on in this vacation town. When you think about it, there are forty thousand tourists in Anaheim at any given time. When you add the 300,000 residents you can see why this is the highest paid police force in California. Anyway, when I was first assigned to this area they told me to watch out- said I'd be at the Glo-Room a lot.
Tank: (His phone ringing) Hang on...
Dave: What do you mean, Hang on?! This is your story!
Tank: Just give me a minute.
Dave: (To Brent and I, the silent partners) So, to make a long story short.
Jeff: Or a long story even longer.
Dave: (laughing) Yeah. So, the first Friday I'm on duty we break into groups after the main briefing and as the commander of this area, I layout the plan to my officers. We all came in racking our Remington 870s. We had one guy set up post at the back door, one at the front, and two at the bar- all checking for I.D.s and parole cards. I walk over to the jukebox to stop the music. I meant to just give it a bump with the butt of my 870, but accidentally smashed the glass top, knocking the record clean off the turntable. The effect was the same, though. I got their attention.
Tank: What'd I miss.
Dave: Oh, Fuck you! I haven't gotten to the good bit yet.

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    sa 11-18-06- 5:53p- I haven't eaten anything today. I have injested a total of two cups of coffee- reheated from four hours earlier, one cup of tea- english breakfast, and twelve glasses of water. Yesterday, we finished Dave's deck after eating lunch at the Brown. Dave was working there that morning, so we had to go in and bug him. I ordered the South of the Border Burger with a spicy Thai marinated chicken breast substituted for the beef patty- something that Grace created during her time as a bartender there. Brent ordered the Blackened Catfish Special with no coleslaw or sauces and with a cup of clam chowder. Half an hour later, we were starting to get hungry and annoyed. "I don't come here for the service," I commented to Michel. "I come here for the servers." Brent suggested that they could at least bring out his soup first, but they didn't. When our food finally came out it was fantastic, as always. Well, at least mine was. Brent got corn chowder instead of clam chowder, both coleslaw and sauces, and he said afterwards that the breading on his catfish tasted moldy. The best part is, we'll both be eating there again first thing next week. You can't hate the Brown. As much as you want to, it always welcomes you back with open doors and inhabits the best people in town.
     Shannon called me while we were putting the finishing touches on the deck and asked if she could have the wedding pictures from me. She was heading down to visit her family for a pre-thanksgiving get together. I went straight home, starving, and went through the thousand plus photos to choose 160 of the better ones to transfer to her computer. I was starting to get restless when my USB hard drive wasn't connecting to her MacBook. I am retarted when it comes to Macs and have no desire to gain any knowledge of them. Luckily, Greg, her husband, showed up here after a run and went through all the diagnostics with Shannon and I. Finally, after restarting the thing for the fourth time, the icon we were looking for showed up on the desktop. I, being a somewhat computer savvy person, can't stand it when I can't navigate around a system and find what I'm looking for. So, I played it safe and didn't touch the dauntingly advanced Apple. I made the mistake of offering to put the pictures on the inter-web for them when we seemed not to be making any headway, and was hoping that the success of the file transfer would remove any obligation, but Shannon pressed me further, probing the capabilities of this 'internet.' At least I don't have to have it up by today, now that she has the pictures on her computer. I'm glad I got to sleep last night.
     This Morning, the kids had friends over, so I holed up in my room until I couldn't hold back the urge to pee anymore. This afternoon, Bill made two German Chocolate four-layer cakes. One for a birthday party Grace was heading off to and the other one for our eating pleasure. I haven't watched one play of the college football games that have been going on in the livingroom all day. I don't even know who's playing right now. Marco just came in offering a piece of cake. It's fantastic, but it's only going to make me more hungry. Maybe I'll make some pancakes or something.

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    tu 11-14-06- 12:45p- Yesterday, Spence called me up out of the blue after almost two years. He tried to give me his new number once, but Marco wrote it down incorrectly. He's been living with a girl in Bellingham and then Kirkland during his absence, but that's all over now, so he can get back to spending time with me. He came over last night with a grocery sack full of Kokanee beer. We did our best to bring eachother back up to speed on our lives, neither of us remembering where we had left off, or who we had introduced eachother to. We traded stories, shared music and smoked cigarettes while drinking the Canadian brew with lime wedges. Something I never would have thought to do with Kokanee. Oh well, I've done crazier things this week. Bill, Grace, and the kids had just finished eating dinner and their presence generally annoys me, so I invited Spence over to the guest house. We had decided to pick up something to eat on the way there, so I was running him through the list of options. He couldn't believe all the restaurants that were still open at nine-thirty. He ended up pulling into the Jack in the Box drive through much to my dismay. We had a fun evening of watching Robot Chicken and playing video games, taking breaks to share more music and smoke. Spence finally called it a night and headed home at two-thirty in the morning, while I continued to watch movies and drink. I just can't believe we never ran out of beer. I slept on the big, leather couch with music blazing until I got up at eleven. I made myself another pancake feast, did the dishes, took a shower, and called Shane, who was staying three houses away while his mom and step-dad are in Hawaii. "Hahellloo?..." "Hey Shane, it's Jeff. Are you still sleeping?" He figured it was about time to get up and start his day. It was one-thirty and the business emails for his mom's company were piling up and waiting for his responses. He led me upstairs, answered two of them in an obnoxiously condesending tone and tried to get his brain working again. He showed me a few videos from his trip to Thailand and told a handful of stories. Most of his pictures were taken with disposable cameras and had yet to be developed, but his travel companions all took plenty of shots to fill in the gaps. While I was making plans with Shane, Tonia called me to see what I was up to. I immediately made plans with her without realizing that she hadn't indended for me to do so. She was still in bed and said she wouldn't be ready for anything for two hours. Dave chimed in and I accepted it to find out that he wanted me to help build the deck this afternoon. I decided it was about time. The house is coming along fabulously, but it's at the stage where you really notice when you don't wipe your feet. General maintenance has become a constant clean-up project. When I was done, I called Tonia to meet up with her, but she was escorting Cassady to his car in Mt. Vernon. So, here I am again, waiting for Tonia to show up at my door.

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    sa 11-14-05- 1:26a- Let's see. Where to begin... With a direct quote from James on Tuesday. "Blogs are so disturbing. I always feel like I'm peeking in on something I shouldn't be seeing. They're too diary-like."
     Now, a series of short, direct sentences that will make you feel like a voyeurist. Last Friday I went down to the Brown after working a double at Seeds. I got off at 9:15p and headed directly home to change and drove straight down there. I met up with Rayna at the back door. She was taking money for the brewgrass festival. There was a $7 cover both Friday and Saturday. She told me that she had agreed to work the door because she knew it would afford her more time with me. It was a busy night at the bar. Rayna was drinking gin & tonic talls all night. She agreed to follow me up to my parents house so I could drop off my dad's truck and then be driven home. We listened to Mary Lou Lord in her Neon named Leon and as soon as she pulled into my driveway she shut off the engine. I invited her inside. I pulled out my cds looking for more Mary Lou Lord, but Rayna stopped at Counting Crows, Across a Wire. I put it on and sat down next to her on the couch. Things quickly progressed beyond anything we'd ever done together before. She doesn't typically wear underwear. She's nicely shaven. She misses her pre-motherhood breasts. I think I love her. I love her. We made love. We held each other, not noticing the lack of music at all. Our hearts sang out together in a fantastic duet. I walked her out to her car and she left at four in the morning. I slept great, dispite the pain in my heart and the pain in my shoulder. Saturday I worked from noon to seven-thirty and went straight home to change and then dropped my dad's truck off at the ferry. I ran down to the Brown and met Rayna, who I knew would be getting off at nine. We hung out for a bit, then I started working the door. Rayna gave me a nice hug good bye when she finally left just after nine thirty. She had all sorts of responsibilities waiting for her at home. I hated working the door. It wasn't at all as fun as it had looked the night before when Rayna was doing it. I guess more than anything I just hate the thought of the Brown without her. On Sunday, I walked down to the ferry to pick up my dad's truck then drove down to Penguin Coffee, then to the Brown to see Rayna. She told me that when the back door opened she had hoped- had known- that it would be me. That's the sweetest thing ever. I told her I was working on my truck, then going to Mouseheart practice at 3:30p. At 5:30p I'd be going to my niece's birthday party at the bowling alley. I told her how much I love my niece and how she had asked for 'lipgloss and eyeshadow.' She laughed. I told her I had just stopped by while picking up a new alternator because I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to see her any other time today. I said that I didn't want to leave, but I had to finish working on my truck. After tinkering around with it, getting frustrated and almost giving up, James called, wondering if I was hungry. I told him I had to keep working on my truck, but that I was looking for an excuse to give up. James picked me up at my parents house and we went down to the Brown for lunch. I was so happy to see Rayna again so soon. She looked excited to see me. James and I ate delicious goodness. I had the Grouper Sandwich and James had the Mondo Italiano. Tim and Amber showed up and soon ordered food. We moved to table five. I secretly wanted to stay at the bar, closer to Rayna, but she was busy enough not to notice that I never once took my eyes off of her. Once we were all finished eating, everyone went out back to smoke cigarettes. I walked up to the bar and caught Rayna's attention. I love kissing her. She told me she gets off at five. I told her she should stop by the bowling alley at five thirty. She might, she said. The guys and I practiced for a while and then I left at 5:30p when my dad picked me up. We went straight to the bowling alley where everyone, including Papa and Kathy, were gathered to celebrate the births of Harley and Eliza. Cort's birthday was in mid-October and I hadn't seen him for a while, so I got him a card, too. My sister, whose birthday is the day after Eliza's, got one from me as well. My dad had driven up to Alger to pick up Grandma Peach before he had picked me up. I was dying of thirst and followed my sister over to the water cooler and ran into Rayna. I gave her a big hug and she put a huge smile on my face. We talked for a few minutes and I introduced her to my sister. My mom had come over to the water jug carrying Eliza and I picked her out of her arms after she had gotten a drink. I introduced Eliza to Rayna. Eliza was as mesmurized as I was when I first saw her. My mom eventually came over and asked, "Who is this? I'm Jeanne." She left quickly, to my great joy and amazement. I continued holding Eliza and talking with Rayna. She eventually had to leave to pick up her kids and drive to Marysville. The party was fun, even though i couldn't bowl due to my dislocated shoulder, but nothing would top the few minutes I got to spend with Rayna. Once the party was over, Papa drove Kathy and my mom and I back home where we looked at pictures on the laptop. Finally, when my dad returned home from Alger, we went in the hot tub. It felt good on my retarded shoulder.

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    mo 11-13-06- 4:33p- I must have had a dream recently in which I trimmed my fingernails. I say this because everytime I think about trimming my nails I feel as though I just did it less than a day ago. Yet they grow on to impede my guitar playing abilities. Not that my abilities are that difficult to impede. I'm sitting here picking apart David Bazan's Cold Beer and Cigarettes (acoustic), trying to learn how to play it without losing too much fingertip foreskin. If you follow that link you'll have to scroll down in the flash player to listen to the acoustic version.
     Last night, I walked down to the Brown Lantern in the pouring rain. Mouseheart Factor was setting up to play, but the bar was surprizingly dull and empty. The few people that were there kept saying, "I hope, for Tonia's sake, that this place fills up tonight." Honestly, I must have heard that exact statement twelve times. Shane got my attention and took the opportunity to catch up with me. He just came back from Thailand last week, heard about this benefit, and decided to add The Red Note to the bill. There were three tables set up full of silent aution items. Everything from silver necklaces to gift certificates to restaurants and message parlors. Andrew Culp started things off at nine with raffles and his own style of rants and ramblings. Mouseheart kicked things off with Majestic, an epic, electronic number. Then went on to play for a half an hour before their much-needed cigarette break. When they came back out on stage, Andrew introduced- in a hoarse and vile British accent full of expletives- Def Leppard. They were all dressed up in disgusting shirts, tight pants and amazing wigs. They played an early cover of one of Tonia's favorite songs. I can't remember which song it was now, maybe 'Lady Strange', I don't know- help me James. I shot a whole roll of film on Mouseheart's fifty-minute set and went over to the Watertown Pub where Thin the Herd was playing while Mouseheart Factor broke down and The Red Note set up. I hate the Watertown. It's the most distasteful and grotesque bar within a twenty mile radius. I had a quick beer, took a few shots of the band and went back to hear Shane's band play. The Red Note is a Seattle sixtuplet made up of drummer, Suckaboo Brown, bassist, Matt Wexler, trombonist, Kellyn Haley, Trumpeter/Clainetist, Tony Moore, trumpeter, Aaron Malver, and fronted by guitartist/vocalist, Shane Chapman- a long-time friend and fellow musician. In high school, when we were just learning the full extent of what music was, I accompanied his angsty, breakup-laden songs on bass. They always put on a good show.half-way through the set I gathered my stuff to head back to the Watertown, but as I was grabbing my rain jacket Shane kicked me in the butt as he played guitar. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked. I threw down my jacket, pulled out my camera and flash and took more pictures of the band. Satisfied that I'd be right back, Shane let me go.
     Meanwhile, back at the Watertown, To Spite Mike was three or four songs into their own brand of Funkified Folk Ass Rock. Not to be confused with Neon Brown's "Rocking Funk for you Butt." I sat in a booth with Todd and Phil, who had graduated from alcohol to water, and took more photos. To Spite Mike also played a Def Leppard cover. They chose 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' with the idea of having Tonia stand in a kiddie pool wearing a bikini top and short shorts while a couple other girls pour simple syrup over her. I didn't stick around for that part of the show, however, so I don't know if they pulled it off. I walked back through the Brown, then pulled my hood up over myself to prepare for the walk home.

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    sa 11-12-06- 5:29a- I can't believe I'm back in this cycle. Up at two thirty in the afternoon and back down at six in the morning. I'm bored, hungry- although I've been eating nonstop, and half-watching the movie Taxi Driver thinking that there's no way I'll be able to sleep tonight. The only thing I have to do tomorrow is stay awake long enough for Tonia's benefit. I wonder when it'll be a good time to show up down there.
     Today I fell in the shower for the first time in my life. Bill had done something stupid, like sprayed the thing down with cleaner and was apparently going to rinse it off eventually, but he either forgot, or I snuck in before he had time to realize it. In any case, It hurt. It took me a while to find which way was up. I have a weird bruise on my neck that I'm not certain was there before.
     Lately I've been eating a ton of pancakes. I think we're all entitled to the phase where you live entirely off of Krusteaz mix. It's cheap, they're quick, and they fill you up. My first stint on this diet was on my return trip from Houston. I was living out of my VW bus which was so full of my belongings the bed barely had room enough for me. Everyday I made myself a thermos of coffee and a stack of pancakes on a little propane camp stove. I spent almost a month like that, sleeping in whatever sufficiently isolated parking lot the city could afford me. As a result, I became a master pancake maker. Granted, they're super easy to make, but it's those simple things in life that always end up being an art form long after they've worn out their necessity.

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    sa 11-11-06- 3:41p- I would never have considered myself a pothead, but there have been certain months of my life where I felt like I couldn't live without it. Recently, with the prospect of getting a real job, and the potential of random piss tests, I've divided all addictive behaviour between cigarettes and cheese. Cheese has to be my second largest weakness of all time- Second to sex. And lately I've been having twelve times more cheddar than intimate relations. Cigarettes are a distant third. In fact, I haven't bought a pack in a week because Bill & I have been rolling our own tobacco. Now that I think about it, I haven't been downtown drinking in a week, either. Tomorrow night, though, the Brown Lantern and the Watertown Pub are hosting a benefit concert for Tonia. Mouseheart Factor, the Red Note, To Spite Mike and Thin The Herd will be playing at the two venues.
     Anyway, back to more interesting topics. My niece, Eliza, turned four this week. She woke up with the sun and made her family sing her happy birthday right off the bat. Cort was a good sport, as usual, but Eliza was doing her best to throw tantrums and bring him down to her level. He had a birthday last month and even let his little sister open some of his presents for him. I got some good black and white pictures- none of them developed yet, but they're excellent, I promise.
    Man, ever since starting yoga I've been sweating like a yak. And my B.O. smells like weed. I finally left the house last night. I kept myself cooped up indoors since the weather turned against me. Last night, however, Bill and I were invited to Stan Chapman's house at Trafton Lake for a hootenany. It was a much-needed excursion that left me feeling happy and high. Bill and I brought a bottle of Jim Beam Black and two bottles of Tequila (Sauza Hornitos). Between the six of us, we finished off the JBB and made a sizeable dent in the first fifth of tequila. I let the pipe pass on by me the first few times and then broke down. In the back of my mind I knew that if Dakota Creek hadn't called me by now, they weren't in any hurry to get me on the payroll. Why miss good oportunities like this for a job that I'll probably never be offered? So, that's why my armpits are leaking THC and I'm just rolling out of bed. This winter is going to last forever.

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    mo 10-16-06- 3:17p- Lately I've been extremely busy with more work than I could have asked for. In addition to helping out at the Brown, the contruction of Dave's house, upkeep on Lani's guest house, and a few odd jobs for Jan, I've applied at Dakota Creek. An old friend of mine (no pun intended) went way out on a limb for me to get this opportunity. There weren't any openings, but he pulled a few strings to get my foot in the door. Last week, I went in, filled out an application and sat down with the foreman. Everything sounded promising- Steph's prediction was that I would start immediately, but I'm still waiting for the call. To be honest, it's a bit frustrating.
     In the meantime, It's been raining buckets. Most of the work at Dave's house is outside and has come to a standstill. Lani has been in Texas for a week and Jan and Sean are leaving for Hawaii. To sum up this last week, I've been going to bed early and sleeping late.
     I might also have the opportunity to go back to Nicaragua this April. This time it will be a much more rustic trip into the mountains of the North East. I hope everything works out, because this trip is much more my style. I would love the chance to go back down there and blow lots of film.

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    th 10-12-06- 10:11p- Today I spent the afternoon watching Smallville with Tonia, who is recovery from surgery. Surgery that hopefully removed her skin cancer. It was a good afternoon. So... I really haven't been up to much lately. Sleeping more than usual, I guess. Beamer (a.k.a. Bob Curbeam) just left to get back to Houston and the rest of his astronaut routine before he goes into quarantine. He stayed at the guest house for a week. Now I have to clean it again.

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    sa 9-7-06- 12:14a- My guardian angel called me up Monday and asked me if I was up for breakfast or lunch or maybe just a drink. It's so good to hear the voice of an angel. Even through the earpiece of a cell phone. She took care of my criminal situation & gave me an extra get-out-of-jail-free card for next time. It's been therapeutic spending time with her the past few days. I think she enjoys my company, too.

    In other news, I fell off the wagon the other day. Well, I didn't really fall off, I was dragged down by a friend who convinced me that there was no good reason to stop drinking. More specifically, no good ultimatum to cause me to quit drinking. I haven't had more than three beers in a night and am resolving to maintain my soberiety despite my love for good swill.

I was wrong about Tonia. It was nothing like I had imagined. It's much worse. She's going to be alright, though. She's healthy and strong. She'll pull through. The final details aren't out yet, but they will be after an initial trip to Seattle to meet with the specialist before he does the surgery. Until then, we're all praying for her.

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    sa 9-2-06- 1:23p- I'm not looking forward to whatever Tonia has to say to me this afternoon. She came up to me last night with a big hug and sad eyes to say that she's not doing so well. I told her I wasn't doing that great either. She asked me what I would be doing today and found out that, like most days, my schedule's totally open. She said she'd give me a call. She has some "news" for me. I hope it's not what I'm assuming. Could just be that her and this guy are official now, I guess. Nice of her to want to tell me that. But no, I'm pretty sure my assumption is correct. And she won't want to have anything to do with me ever again. Why hasn't she called me yet? Is she even awake? Oh well, she probably had to open this morning after closing at 2:30a last night.

Overall things are going pretty well. I'm totally broke with no prospect of ever getting a job, I'm alone, and I can't even turn to alcohol to cheer me up anymore. I did get a new bed, though. I had been sleeping on that twin-sized captain's bed for too long. Now I have a huge king in a tiny room that can barely contain it. Unfortunately, I have no one to enjoy it with.

I got a call yesterday from this guy named Brian who said he was with collections. He tried to talk tough, but then realized that he wasn't scaring me and gave up. His exact words were, "I can see that I'm wasting my time with you." He was acting on the first of three or four traffic tickets that I've gotten in the last eight months. This one, failure to show proof of insurance, has just now gone to collections and is currently $790.60. I can't wait to find out what the others are.
So, as a result, I'll pro'lly be going to jail on the twelfth of this month.
It will be an eye-opening experience, I'm sure.

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